Persona 4

"What the fuck is going on?”

A phrase often heard while I play JRPGs.

Not that a guy like me actually plays Japanese Role Playing Games; because I obviously don’t have the time in between yoga class, shopping at Pottery Barn and impressing the local film industry with my unique look. But let’s pretend for a second that I did, and that perhaps I’d played Persona 4 for a few hours.

Can any of you explain why I’m forced to wait two hours before I’m actually allowed to use the $60 controller in my hand? Don’t get me wrong, the ‘x’ button got a decent workout from the continuous skipping of dialogue between the random teenagers on view. The same teenagers that seem to be stuck in an emo phase from 2002. I’ve not seen so many guys with haircuts like that since I saw Taking Back Sunday performing at the ever so rock and roll Oxford Zodiac in the early part of this millennium.

I guess Japan still continues this trend?

This then begs the question; when I was a teenager, listening insanely to my minidisc player while taking the bus from my vestibule of Berkshire, to the bright city lights of Swindon; Did I make as little sense as these guys?

But I digress. Back to the issue at hand.

There is no crime in Japan.

This is a fact that has been proven by Wikipedia, and Otaku on every videogame forum when trying to defend their favourite Naruto episode.

So, when the Japanese game designers have to come up with a design for a mystery videogame revolving around some murders that weren’t committed in a BEAT Takeshi movie, they struggle.

Quite obviously, the only place to go is into the depths of bullshit.

After an uneventful couple of hours watching my emo eat noodles and speak inanely with his fellow emo’s, I’m presented with a pretty fucking awesome scenario.

It really opened my eyes.

The emo’s are in a department store, not unlike Debenhams or Sears, looking at some flat screen TVs. They discuss the prices, and everything seems much like it should do on a Victory Records internet forum. But suddenly, one of the emo’s decides he wants to actually jump through the TV set into the alternate world that exists beyond.

I’m pretty sure this is fairly real to life in Japan, because they’ve done a pretty good job of replicating everything else. So, next time I’m in Nagano, Snowboarding with Brad, Bryan and Billy, I really must check this little subsection of Japanese ecology.

Regardless, the emo’s pass through in the alternate world, and they’re presented with an exact replication of the real world. Only this world is inhabited by shadows and nasty people saying nasty things.

Your guide for your journey is a 4ft bear, dressed up like a clown named Teddie

I fucking kid you not.

It’s at this point I decided to take some Nytol, and retire to bed. It’s snowed quite a bit in Vancouver, and I’m hoping to go to the Mountain tomorrow. But fuck it, I quite look forward to calling in sick, and enjoying the rest of my experience with Teddie and emo. I do love a good mystery murder, especially when they revolve around real-to-life situations.